Meant

Dreams

Sometimes I dream of a little girl named Lyla. She has red hair and a loud laugh and she is full of joy and dreams. And then I wake up. 

(Sometimes I dream of Lyla's daddy too, but I can't see his face yet. Sometimes I think I can hear his voice but it's never quite clear.)

Path

Crossroads

Yesterday was an off day. It was great in many aspects but I still feel at odds with the world. My best friend and I spent quality time together and it was much needed but I found myself with tears rolling down my face as we drove back into the city after our fun, girly excursion. It was an overwhelming few moments (no longer) of frustration and I couldn't talk myself out of it. Luckily I have a wonderfully supportive bff who calms me down~ and the cry was cleansing and cathartic at least. 

There have been so many "life" questions lately and in that moment, there were too many. I am a very introspective person but all this quiet contemplation only serves to make me miserable and stressed! Perhaps it's best to deal with one thing at a time, something small that I can handle and something that I do have control over (like, hmmmmm, what to do with my life? not small but in my control at least). Taking on too much at once is simply too overwhelming. I need to simplify, breathe, make some decisions, take care of myself. 

Changes to come in the future.

I was driving home late last night and I was nearly stopped dead (in my car, um, not a good idea) by a billboard on the side of the road. I grabbed my phone, not wanting to forget it, and tapped it into my message pad at a stop light. 

"We are not made to understand life but just to live it."

How wonderful. We don't have to comprehend this whole crazy thing we share called life. Just live it. Simplifying. I love it. 

Resolutions

Okay, okay, by now you've got it. I'm officially 30. This new decade has made me want to turn over a new leaf and have a fresh start. Life has been weird lately and I refuse to do "weirdness" anymore. It's time to be smart, make better choices and wiser decisions. It's time to follow my head and my instincts instead of ignoring those gut feelings and being careless about my life and my feelings. In other words, it's high time to have that fresh start as a more together, directed person. This birthday has made me come up with a few resolutions for my life (which I never come up with on New Years Eve) and here are a few:

1. Be a more consistently thoughtful person to the people in my life. Selfish is lame and it's a narrow way to live. To see how my friends and family went out of their way for me, above and beyond, for my surprise birthday party yesterday (more on that later) made me cry like a child, again and again. No amount of money on earth can buy that thoughtfulness. I'm determined to be a more present and accountable friend, daughter, sister, etc. and try to make the lives of the people around me as lovely as they make mine. Small gestures, big ones~ whatever it takes.

2. Be patient, live my life a day at a time, get out of my head so much and enjoy every little step. Sometimes I try to run before I walk and then I make a mess of myself when I fall. Be present in the everyday.

3. Don't put up with junk I know I don't deserve and be prepared to walk away from lousy situations with integrity.

4. Focus on the future, career wise. It's time to think and decide what I'm going to do with myself, be it writing, Education or something else I may stumble upon that I love. I need to stop ignoring it because it scares me and chase those dreams.

5. Work at being happy, because there is truly so much to be happy about. Life is good.

Wandering

(Image via Paper Tissue)