Relieved To Be Home

The last three days have been far from fun in my world. Without going into too much detail I spent the last few days in the hospital, first a grueling ten hours in the emergency room at St. Pauls (horrific), followed by two nights overnight after being admitted (much much better). I have two blue hospital bracelets on my arm and numerous pricks in my skin where I had an IV and three rounds of blood tests. Morphine and I became totally best friends. I have had it before but this time as it was injected into my IV and I could feel it drip into my veins and rush through my body in seconds, I was thoroughly grateful.

Pain is a very defeating thing. It can take you and throw your life upside down in moments. It makes you weak, can make you see things that perhaps aren't there when you feel "normal". Sitting and waiting for a diagnosis is also beyond frustrating, like waiting for your judgement day. What will happen next? I never was a good one for living in the moment. I was released this morning and felt liberated to leave the grim walls of the hospital. Despite the misfortune of the visit, all is well (or will be well). The nurses were beyond wonderful, giving comfort when I needed it most. The doctors well meaning and efficient. My mother sitting by my side for twelve hour stretches, my saviour. I am glad it is over. Almost 9 o clock? Time for bed.

Track One

Music. It is such a sickeningly powerful thing. It can transform a mood in a second. It can elicit feelings you didn't know you still had. And it can take you back to a moment two years ago that you thought you had long put behind you (and have, truly....but still). Not forgotten after all. Sitting in bed, past midnight, listening to a playlist I haven't put on in ages. Opening notes to a song are quiet and stirring. My heart starts thudding and my mind hurtles back in time to a room, a wall full of windows, overlooking the dark sky and the city dotted with lights. How in that moment, during this exact song, what I felt was nothing but utter confidence. And joy. Followed by months of not being able to listen to this song without feeling sick to my stomach. So two years later. I listen to its haunting beauty....still one of my absolute favourites. And now, while it can take me back to that moment in a split second, it doesn't hurt like that anymore. It's just another memory. 

Another piece of the past. 

Palm Springs Style

After brunching with my gorgeous friend Christina today we wandered through Yaletown and into (wait for it.... where else?) The Cross, naturally. Knowing me as thoroughly as they do and being as thoughtful friends as they are, both Christina and my roommate Nicole bought me gift cards to my "happy place" for my 30th a few weeks ago. Now, normally gift cards of any kind burn a hole in my pocket so intensely that they need to be spent within days (the gift of shopping, what could be better?), but this time I wanted to select pieces that meant something to me, something of significance rather than an item I just thought was pretty (not that I suddenly have issues with pretty, no way). After three laps of the store I bought the 

very thing I knew I had to have.

 Since I was a little girl my favourite stories told to me my parents or my sweetest memories involve Palm Springs. Long before I was born my parents, aunt and uncle and grandparents would migrate to the desert two hours outside of Los Angeles to soak up the sun on vacation from drizzly, grey Vancouver. I was ten the first time I went and that trip still sticks out vividly in my memory. I had never seen such beauty in my life~ the ruddy San Jacinto mountains, thrilling palm trees and manicured lawns, sparkling swimming pools and, best of all, the air heavy with the scent of lemon and orange blossom from all the fruit trees everywhere. It was magical, and continues to be so for me and my family to this day. We can talk endlessly about "the desert" and where we will go, stay, dine the next time we visit. 

The book Palm Springs Style has been in my Amazon cart for ages but today I decided to snap it up in person. Even flipping through the glossy pages and admiring the beautiful photographs makes me giddily happy. Palm Springs was the most chic and decadent of getaways for the movie stars of the 40s and 50s (my parents pointed out Frank Sinatra's house to me on my first visit), yet it experienced a decline in popularity in the more recent decades. However, in the last few years its glory has been revived. Many iconic hotels have been renovated and redecorated and none more spectacularly than the Viceroy. Decorated by famed interior designer (and Vogue regular) Kelly Wearstler, it has been transformed into a quirkily glamourous resort and spa~ and has again become a playground for the young and beautiful Hollywood set. The book, for me, is one part childhood memory and two parts luxurious fantasy~ and I can't wait to one day soak up the desert heat from one of the Viceroy's poolside loungers! 

Quote of the Day

"You have to take risks. 

We will only understand the miracle of life fully 

when we allow the unexpected to happen."

-Paulo Coelho

Roommate Philosophy

For Nic,

Here is our mantra in our new home. Appropriate, no? 

xo Goose

(Photo via You Are My Fave)

Brave

My advice to you: Be brave in your life. You truly only get one shot and to live your days scared is to waste those days. Be honest with yourself. Like, deeply honest. What do you want out of your life? What do you want right now? Try. Do. Go for it. I'm normally not this "ra ra ra" (that's my cheerleader impression), but this week something happened...

Here is my life lesson: I'm normally the kind of person that puts pride above honesty. If I feel hurt, like a wounded bird, I run (fly?) from the situation. I'm not normally brave either. I hate admitting my feelings, confrontation or asking for what I want. I was forced (by myself) to do all that this week and it was exhilarating to be so scarily honest. I never ever thought that asking for what I wanted would yield that result. I thought it was best to slink away. 

Here is what I learned. Sometimes being brave is just that. Acting courageous. Bravery does not guarantee that the situation will turn out as you hoped. But isn't it amazing to know that you were bold enough to try? True enough to yourself to ask for what you want? Even if you try and it doesn't work be proud for valuing yourself enough to ask. As someone super wise once said (have to find this quote, note to self), if you don't ask, the answer is always no. 

Be brave in your life. Just try it. You might like it.

 And if you already are~ I want to be like you when I grow up. 

Wish List- Wink Harmony Dress

Wink. Could there be a better name on the label of this perfect little fall dress? It certainly feels like a flirtation in itself. The mix of vibrant aqua with the more soothing navy is fresh and chic. The chiffon top with twisted straps falls into a decidedly sexy low back. Even the booties are stylistic heaven. This is so much better than just your typical LBD. 

Eschew the black, girls, and keep colour in your wardrobe. 

This one needs to come home to me. Immediately. 

Love Each Day

Frank Gehry for Tiffany&Co.

For my 30th a few weeks ago my grandmother wanted me to have something significant to mark the occasion. I was happy to oblige with selecting something meaningful to me, as my mother told me my grandmother's wishes as we were wandering through Tiffany & Co (for the record we don't just hit up Tiffany on a normal basis, we were picking out my amazing key, my birthday gift from my parents). I tried on everything I could get my hands on that seemed under a billion dollars~ necklaces with baby diamonds dotted through them, gorgeous and chunky bangles, but I knew I wanted a ring. And I knew just the man to provide me with that. 

I've been lusting for a piece of Frank Gehry's collection for Tiffany since its launch several years ago. Gehry, a Toronto born architect, is a master at his profession (look at this amazingness) and teamed with the company to design a line of jewelry reminiscent of his iconic designs. The line is everything you would expect and delight in from an architect~ strong, sculptural, interesting, detailed. It was dang hard to pick but I chose the open Torque ring in sterling silver and I have yet to take it off. While my personality and taste in jewelry is decidedly more feminine and delicate most of the time, I adore the strong lines and clean, modern simplicity of the ring. 

While not inexpensive, Gehry's collection for Tiffany provides pieces that you will be drawn to and want to wear forever. His designs are absolutely wearable art. Next up? I'm lusting after his amazing Torque bangle, above. And I don't want to wait until the next big birthday! 

The ring I selected, and love, the Open Torque ring

Another incredible bangle, like the bigger version of my ring

Visit the Frank Gehry Collection at Tiffany.

Coming Up For Air

I am starting to feel better. Like myself again. Yesterday I was driving to work at around 6pm, going over the Granville Street Bridge into the downtown core. The sun was getting low and the light was incredibly beautiful, bouncing off the glass highrises that dot the Vancouver skyline. There was literally not a cloud in the sky as far as the eye could see. It was warm for late September and I was hot despite my window being rolled all the way down and the breeze in my hair. I was listening to my favourite piece of music in the world (curious? click here to hear it) and for the first time in days, weeks, I could feel it. Feel the music in the pit of my stomach, feel the beauty of the perfect evening. For a few moments while speeding over that bridge I felt completely happy in the world. And I knew that everything would be okay. 

Quote of the Day

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. 

That will be the beginning."

-Louis L'Amour

More Dreamy Light

A few weeks ago I posted photographs I had been collecting along the way, all bookmarked because of the striking beauty of the light in them. I have found more to love and share. You know that saying, do something everyday that makes you happy? Looking at these does that for me. They also make me itch to take that photography class that was my New Years resolution/promise to myself nine long months ago. Maybe soon....

(Photos via Paper Tissue)

Passenger Seat

I roll the window down and then begin to breathe in

The darkest country road and the strong scent of evergreen

From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards I strain my eyes and try

To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites

From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Do they collide? I ask and you smile

With my feet on the dash the world doesn't matter.

When you feel embarrassed I'll be your pride,

When you need directions then I'll be the guide,

For all time

For all time. 

-Passenger Seat, Death Cab for Cutie

You know how sometimes one small thing can trigger an especially wonderful memory or evoke something you love that has been buried in your mind? Every time I drive down a particularly lush, tree lined street or even just look at an image of such a thing I immediately think of this ridiculously lovely song. It is the simplest of love songs but I think I adore it so much because of its very simplicity. I can always imagine myself and that someone else driving in the dark through an alley of trees that you can just see through above, see through to the stars. I bought the above photograph because of this very song and every time I look at the beautiful image, it makes me happy. I am building my photography collection and soon I will have a gallery wall full of images that make me as happy as this! 

PS- Listen to this breathtaking song (or watch this). I highly recommend it. 

And congratulations to my huge crush Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie on getting married this past weekend to the adorable Zooey Deschanel (my girl crush from 500 Days of Summer). 

Buy Tunnel of Trees yourself here. 

Smile of the Day- Lulu Bear

I spotted this original painting on Etsy and fell into gooey love with it! Now, I kind of refuse to buy it, because I just can't become that crazy cat lady who has pictures and figurines of the animal all over her apartment (even though sometimes the adorableness is overwhelming and the temptation is definitely there). But I can admire from afar can't I? This slice of cuteness makes me think of what Lulu would look like as a spunky baby kitten (which I never got to see as I just adopted her in January and she is 3 years old). 

Can't you see the likeness?! 

I'm smitten. 

Purchase this adorable painting here. 

One More Thing France Has That I Love

Good bye numero deux (or should I say Au Revoir?). My amazing friend Rachel is in the midst of packing her bags and meeting with the consulate in Vancouver today in preparation for her Thursday departure date back to France, where she will live for another year. This time last September she was embarking on a new, unknown adventure as she had taken a new job in a country where she wasn't 100% proficient with the language and didn't know a soul. Adventure, indeed! Along the way, perhaps as she established a daily routine in Montpellier (several hours outside of Paris) and became more adjusted to her surroundings, Rachel became very much a French girl. And I happen to love that about her. I will miss my confidante so incredibly much. We can talk for hours about the most soul stirring of things or laugh like teenagers over the silliest of details. We understand each other in a profound way because we are so similar~ sensitive romantics! (Ouch, watch out world~ there are two of us!) 

I'm so proud of Rachel as she embarks on yet another brave tenure in a country across the ocean from her family and friends (and comfort zone). I will her miss her gentle voice on the phone (calling cards this time!), hours long coffee dates and shopping excursions with us and her twin. And yet this time I have a plan~ I think it's high time for me to have a return visit to France! Rach, I'll see you sooner than you know. 

In the meantime~ bon voyage et je t'aime. xoxo

Numbness

Have you ever felt numb to your life? It's the weirdest feeling in the world. It's not ambivalence or dislike. Numbness. I am searching to feel something and I can come up with.... nothing. What was confusion (lots and lots of confusion with a side order of anger and sadness) has transitioned to this absence of feeling, like staring at a blank page. I search for things to be happy for and they are most certainly there~ supportive and loving friends and family, health, Lulu's toe hair. While I feel appreciation for these things they do not elicit the joy I may normally take in them. We all have hard days sometimes, experience ups and downs, meander through rough patches in life. Time is the great healer, the one thing that makes anything grow hazy and fade away. There is still much to be happy for. When the numbness subsides it will still be there to luxuriate in. This too will pass. I tell myself this. 

Hello, Fall

Hello, Fall. I'm so excited to see you. I can't wait to feel your chill so that I can wear my favourite cozy sweaters again. I can't wait to dig my coats out of my hall closet, where they have languished under garment bags for months. I can't wait to buy a cute hat for those thrillingly rainy days. I can't wait to crunch through fallen leaves scattering the sidewalks of the city. 

Oh Fall, welcome to my life. 

Quote of the Day

"Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul."

-Max Ehrmann

Real Life

Real life isn't like the movies. First of all, it's definitely not pretty costumes and flattering lighting all the time. Nor is the dialogue in real life ever quite as clever or gripping as in film. Most of all, real life isn't tidy. Fights (between friends, between lovers) are real and not often solved with a sobbing hug and fervent declaration of feelings. More like they just end, but the bad feelings (and the harsh words exchanged) resonate and are stored around for weeks on end until finally (thankfully) they dissipate, exhausted. Endings are definitive. Things end. They are not renewed in the final acts with flowers and smiles. They just end. Everyday this happens to people. I love the escapism of film but I sometimes resent it, too. The clean cut way things are resolved, the blissful outcomes as the credits roll to some carefully chosen song. Real life isn't like the movies. Sometimes I need to cap the romanticism in this heart and face reality. Like today. 

Smile of the Day

Some days just need this kind of cuteness more than others. Today is one of those days for me. Looking at this definitely brings a smile to my face. How could it not?! Love. 

Hurricane

I saw this passage and it intensely captured me. I've been reading it over and over for at least a month, moved by the words. I love the comparison between people and rain (I understand feeling like drizzle). I think it's an incredibly beautiful and romantic way to describe someone, as a force of nature. He obviously loves her, to want to sleep next to her rather than with her. What must that feel like, to be loved like that? Deep thoughts for me at 2am. Time for bed. 

Chanel No.5

I adore Audrey Tautou in this just revealed advertisement, commencing her role as the new face of Chanel No.5 perfume (replacing the lovely redheaded Nicole Kidman). She is everything that Chanel embodies in the fashion world~ elegant, feminine, French! I, like many people the world over, fell in love with Audrey in her role as Amelie, the lonely Parisian girl with the gamine haircut seeking her equally quirky soulmate, while performing good deeds for others along the way. She is truly one of the most breathtakingly beautiful and talented actresses working today. Chanel is lucky to have her. 

It almost makes me want to buy a bottle of Chanel No.5~ almost, but not quite. 

I wear Coco. 

Baby Got Back

You know that corny old saying, "I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave"? Okay, I kind of love it! It's trite but what girl doesn't love being watched (ogled?) as she struts away from a guy who is admiring her? These dresses make sure an exit is a beautiful thing in itself!

Lately I'm obsessed with the back. A bare back is strikingly sexy and often unexpected. There is nothing quite like wearing a dress that is fairly conservative, almost prim, in the front and then when your back is turned just so, a wall of skin is exposed. You can practically hear jaws drop! In these show stoppers there is no need to display anything else or to even accessorize. The best view is the one you'll show when you're leaving. Just make sure you take an extra trip to the powder room on date night to give the poor guy something to drool at. 

He won't stand a chance. 

Helmut Lang's Back Strap Dress, $460US

(love the short haircut, but if your hair is long wear it up)

Kiki de Montparnasse Scoop Back Dress, $225US

(love the embellished tights here)

Alice & Olivia Exposed Back Dress, $242US

(the turtleneck front makes the low back extra dramatic)

Top Dress: Lace Tiered Tie Back Dress by Caroline Hedaya, $495US

(my fave~ it's lace!)

(Photos via Shopbop)